Before we address the question of how to build self confidence, let's define what we mean by self confidence and highlight the distinction between that and self esteem.
Self esteem is based on value. Your self esteem is grounded in how you value and respect yourself.
Whereas, self confidence is based on ability. Your
self confidence is all about your level of trust, faith and belief in
your abilities [your power] and capabilities [your potential].
There is a deeper question that lies behind the question of HOW you build self confidence and that is WHY do you need to build self confidence?
What is holding you back from pursuing your dreams?
My honest answer to that question is that I spent many years of my life not living to my full potential because of fear.
This was primarily fear of failure, but also fear of what others may think, fear that I was not good enough, and fear of "not being ready yet".
What do you need to do, to overcome whatever it is that is holding you back?
I recall when one of my children was at primary school, her head teacher commenting positively on her academic performance, described how she how she had got what he called "winner's wind".
That is to say she had enjoyed an initial measure of academic success which would give her sufficient confidence to improve her performance next time and thus fuel further success.
Fast forward 30 years, and she is now a
doctor of clinical psychology and holds two Master's degrees and a
Graduate degree. Clearly, he had a good point!
So, if you are experiencing a lack of self-confidence, what steps do you need to take to develop your own personal "winner's wind"?
What successes do you already have that you can build on?
Everyone has strengths and talents. What are yours? Recognising what you’re good at, and trying to build on those things, will help you to build confidence in your own abilities.
In my experience, a significant component of the power of any success strategy lies in the
expectation that you will achieve your goal or objective.
Therefore, whatever you expect of yourself sets the limit of what is possible for you. To quote Henry Ford:
"If you believe that you can do a thing, or if you believe you cannot, in either case, you are right."
As you focus on how to build self confidence you need to be very aware of the internal dialogue, the self-talk , that's happening in your head.
There is a direct causal link between
how you think about a situation, the words you use to articulate those
thoughts, the energetic state associated with those words, and the
results you experience.
People who are confident and successful, in any sphere of life, develop an ability to monitor and reshape their own thoughts:
So if you want to be self confident, start thinking of yourself that way.
I can recall a situation in my own life when I unconsciously resisted looking inside myself to make
some personal changes.
I waited for things to change “out there” so that I could feel better and build on that external change, until eventually I came to the realisation:
Every single thought that you have, and especially the underlying energetic state associated with that thought, is influencing your life.
It’s either helping you or hindering you.
Your internal energetic states, your external behaviours, and therefore your results in life, are the direct result of your point of focus.
Over time, what you focus your mind on becomes your reality.
Your primary point of focus is a binary choice and the result of that choice is critical to your self confidence.
You can either focus on what you want and what you want to move toward and this will build your self confidence.
Alternatively, you can focus on what you don't want, what you want to avoid, what you are afraid of, and this will undermine and weaken your self confidence.
want to achieve success in any area of your life then there is one very
basic and powerful way to do this. It is easy to understand and is
fundamental to your nature.
This is the way that people in all walks of life have achieved success from the beginning of time.
It is the building block upon which all success is built and the rocket fuel that powers it.
To accomplish any success in life, you must identify accurately what it is that you hunger for, thirst for and long for.
Imagine you were lost in a desert and you soon become hot and thirsty. You would do or give just about anything to get a drink of cool, clear water.
This overpowering thirst is what we refer to as a "Core Desire".
When you are fueled by the conquering force of your core desire you build self confidence automatically.
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