Generativity

What Difference Did You Make?

What Impact Will You Leave In The Lives Of Others?


Generativity. What Difference Did You Make? What Impact Will You Leave In The Lives Of Others? Picture of an old finger and a young finger touching at the finger tips.

What is Generativity?

Making Your Mark

Generativity occurs  when a person shifts his/her energy to care for a change which will help the generations to come.

It can also be seen as ‘making your mark on the world’ by caring for others and accomplishing something beyond yourself for making this world a better place.

Those who practice generativity tend to be physically healthier and live longer and have lives filled with purpose, productivity and meaning that are engaged in:

  • Mentoring
  • Volunteering
  • Philanthropy

In contrast, people who are stagnant feel low energy and less involvement in both communal and individual affairs. These are people who feel uninvolved or disconnected to a community or wider society.







An Experience Of Generativity

Making A Difference

It was about 11.30pm and I had drunk a few glasses of wine over the course of a long and relaxing evening and I was ready to go to bed when my wife asked me to go and find our teenage daughter and bring her home.

Our daughter Susan* was at the "difficult" stage and my wife and I had repeated arguments about the best way to relate to her. My view was fairly relaxed and my wife's view was more controlling.

Neither of us were right or wrong. Inevitably, and as they things play out in countless other families, we argued until eventually one of us gave in.

Bringing Susan home

I put on my jacket, and started walking up the road to the main street where the bars were in the small market town where we lived to try and locate Susan and persuade her to come home.

At that time I was earning a lot of money and we had a large and lovely house in the very best part of town. Our family was a typical affluent, well educated and prosperous middle-class family.

The infamous Jason...

I hadn't walked very far when I bumped into Susan walking home. There was a young guy aged about 20 with her and I could see at a glance that he was from "the other side of the tracks" and then I realised that this was the infamous Jason* she had told us about.

From the snippets of previous conversations with Susan and from my own prior inquiries with a mutual friend  I knew that Jason came from a broken family who lived on welfare, he had a dead end job and existed on the fringes, in that twilight zone of drugs and minor criminality that exists in so many towns in the UK.

To my shame I was rude and abusive

I was so relieved to find her and so angry with my wife for forcing me to go out when I just wanted to go to bed, and also to be honest I was a little drunk from the wine I had drunk earlier, and to my eternal shame and discredit I shouted at my daughter and was then verbally rude and abusive to Jason and told him to go away and leave my daughter alone.

We returned home and I went to bed. I woke up in the early of hours of the morning and experienced a moment of shattering clarity. I realised instantly that I had behave badly. But it was more than that.

"This could be a turning point...this could make a big difference in that young man's life"

I had this very strong sense of an inner voice saying:

"This could be a turning point in that young man's life, this could make a big difference , go and apologise to him and welcome him into our family, treat like a son..."

...and that is exactly what I did later that morning.

I got Jason's number from Susan and I texted him and apologised for my bad behaviour and told him he was most welcome to our house and invited him to join us later that day for a meal.

Becoming a member of the elite special forces

Fast forward a few years and Jason and I became good friends, and with a little support and encouragement, Jason transformed himself and his life. He got himself educated and joined the British army where he progressed up through the ranks rapidly becoming a member of the elite special forces serving on several tours of active service in war-zones where the UK had military presence.

Looking back over the past 20 years, I now realise that this was first time in my life when, aside from being a parent, I had a strong and powerful urge to practice generativity. As I get older this inclination gets stronger and there are now many situations where I have acted upon it and still continue to do so.

[*Names have been changed for privacy.]






The Origin of Generativity

Generativity has been defined as the propensity and willingness to engage in acts that promote the well being of younger generations as a way of ensuring the long-term survival of the species. [The Psychology of Mattering]

Erikson's 8 Stages Of Development

The word was first used by Erik Erikson [1902–94] who was a German-American developmental psychologist and psychoanalyst known for his theory on psychological development of human beings leading to what has become known as "Erikson’s Psychosocial Stages of Development".

The 7th Stage Of Development

Each of eight stages of development involved a conflict of opposing possibilities.  Erikson's model suggests that during the 7th stage of development occurring duing the middle to later years between ages 40 and 60 generativity is an important aspect of the psychology of human beings and it extends beyond imperatives of parenthood.

The Conflict Between Generativity and Stagnation

The conflicting possibilities at this stage are, according to Erikson, between generativity and stagnation - between the drive to leave some lasting change that will benefit other [younger] people after your death and the lethargy, cynicism and general world weariness of just not caring.


Erikson's 8 Stages Of Development

Verywell/Joshua Seong



    The existential question of this 7th stage is: "Can I make my life count"?








Generativity - Life Purpose And The Meaning Of Life

In the Meaning Of Life we start with the premise that the meaning of life is a matter of choice - it is entirely whatever you choose it to be.

We explored this theme further in What Is My Life Purpose and noted that as we progress through life rather than the 8 stages proposed by Erikson there is a simpler model which proposes 3 stages that are not age dependent but reflect a development of maturity.

  1. Uncovering  - your personal individual contribution, this is all about figuring out how and where you fit with your offering to the world.
  2. Discovering - this is about developing realization that the world is about more than just you and your success and your abilities, it's collaborative, and the growing understanding that your greatest achievement and fulfillment comes from "us" rather than just "me".
  3. Rediscovery -this is the stage where you move into the holistic view and start to see and participate in the greater whole. You grow in wisdom as you see more of the bigger picture, and this is accompanied with the realization and experience  that we are tribal creatures living in an interconnected world, and following on from that an increasing engagement with generativity.








Shantideva And The Race Horse


Shantideva And The Race Horse

Shantideva  was an 8th-century CE Indian philosopher, Buddhist monk, poet and scholar at the university at Nalanda.

Shantideva is particularly renowned as the author of what has become known as "A Guide to the Bodhisattva's Way of Life" or "Entering the Path of Enlightenment."

It is a long poem describing the end to end  process of enlightenment and it is still referenced by Buddhist practitioners.

There is one line that I first heard about 15 years ago and it has stuck in mind ever since and it is this:




    From the moment of our conception we head inexorably towards death, just like a racehorse galloping towards its finishing post.








How I Rediscovered My Life Purpose Sitting In A Bar In Singapore...


How I Rediscovered My Life Purpose Sitting In A Bar In Singapore...

I hadn't considered the 'what is my life purpose question' for sometime when I rediscovered it sitting in a bar in Singapore a while ago with a bunch of expat friends enjoying some beers and a chat.

The conversation took an interesting turn when one of them suddenly asked the group:

"If you knew you were going to die tonight and you were given a few minutes to reflect before that happened, what would you say was the meaning of your life?"

On hearing that question I suddenly had a moment of clarity and I realised that for me the answer to the 'what is my life purpose question' was (and remains):



    What difference will you make?
    What impact will you leave in the lives of others?








Generativity - A Challenge



    Are you making a difference in your own and other people’s lives? If the answer is negative, you may want to reconsider what you are doing and why. [Massimo Pigliucci]







Further reading:

What Is My Life Purpose

Asking yourself: "What is my life purpose?" is one of the most important questions you will ever ask. It cuts straight to the heart of who you are and why you are here.

More In Common

"We are more united and have far more in common with each other, than things that which divides us." These words were spoken by UK MP Jo Cox in her maiden speech to Parliament in 2015. One year later she was murdered and her words went viral. Millions of people across the country realised that Jo was speaking for them.

Be The Light

To be the light at the end of someone else's tunnel of darkness means to offer hope, encouragement, kindness and compassion to someone else who needs it, and by doing this you are igniting and fueling the flame that shines at the end of your tunnel, and that will illuminate your darkness.

The Redemptive Self

Research has also suggested that highly generative American adults tend to construct self-defining life stories (narrative identities) that feature the psychological theme of redemption—the deliverance from suffering to an enhanced status or position in life.

The Power of Rituals

We can nourish our souls by transforming everyday practices―eating together, working out, reading, taking a walk―into sacred rituals that can heal our crisis of social isolation and longing for connection.

Introducing "The Balanced Toolkit" Approach To Life

This website and all the material on it, is my attempt to put something back. This is my attempt, in some small way, to offer the guidance and mentoring that I always sought and never found.








Next Article: Compassion Is Selfish And You Need It

Return from "What Difference Did You Make" to: Walking The Talk

Or to: The Meaning Of Life


Contact me








English Chinese (Traditional) Russian French German Italian Spanish Vietnamese


LATEST ARTICLES

  1. How Do I Change And Why Is It So Hard?

    We Would Rather Die Than Change, And We Usually Do In my experience, the vast majority of people who say they want to change don’t change. Most people reading this won’t change because they don’t real…

    Read More

  2. The Illusion Of A Separate Self - Windows 11 With Self Awareness!

    Beyond the content of your mind you are so much more than you think you are. When we talk of "myself" this is the conventional way of referring to our self image which is in fact the ego's constructio…

    Read More

  3. Finite And Infinite Games - Dazed, Confused & Ultimately Transcendent

    This is not an instruction manual, it is a wake up call! Over this past week I have read Professor James Carse's highly regarded "Finite And Infinite Games - A Vision Of Life As Play And Possibility"

    Read More

  4. The Gap And The Gain - How Your Brain Sabotages Your Happiness

    How Your Lizard Brain Sabotages Your Happiness We are hardwired to measure our progress in any and all areas of life where we have goals and aspirations. We can't not do it. But what we measure and ho…

    Read More

  5. How To Wake Up - 4 Simple Practices To Help You Wake Up Now

    So What Exactly Does It Mean to Wake Up - What Is "Enlightenment"? There is nothing magical, mystical or mysterious about waking up we’re actually having glimpses of enlightenment all the time. Enligh…

    Read More

  6. Situational Communication - Different Strokes For Different Folks

    Situational communication is about taking account of 3 often ignored factors about the other person. You are a situational communicator when you recognise that effective communication is not an event…

    Read More

  7. How To Influence Without Authority - 6 Key Tips

    The secret to how to influence without authority is that you get what you really want by giving other people what they really want. We live in an interconnected world and knowing how to influence with…

    Read More

  8. Change Questions To Change Your Outcomes

    Asking The Right Questions Is Critical For A Successful Change. Every time we initiate a significant change - whether in our personal life or in an organisation - we will most likely over-estimate our…

    Read More

  9. Group Culture - The Invisible Software That Rules Your Life

    Group culture is: "How we do things round here". We like to see ourselves as free agents making our own choices and living authentically but the reality is that The Matrix has many layers and we are u…

    Read More

  10. Why Getting From A to B Is Not Aways A Straight Line

    In circumstances of significant change, the progress from A to B will not be in a straight line. We run our lives largely on auto-pilot. In most circumstances your experience of getting from A to B is…

    Read More

  11. The Art Of Persuasion Planning For Success - Here's How To Do It!

    To be successful in the art of persuasion you must ensure that certain things happen. To be successful in the art of persuasion you must establish a framework of what has to happen to get you to that…

    Read More

  12. The Art Of Persuasion Advanced Communication Skills - Gaining Buyin

    Create The Environment Where They Want To Buyin to Your Proposal In order to build the win-win you have to uncover what it is that the other person really wants or needs, and to do that you have to as…

    Read More

  13. The Art Of Persuasion The One Fundamental Principle - Create A Win-Win

    The art of persuasion is based on the simple idea that you get what you want by enabling the other party to get what they want. Being a nice friendly person with good inter-personal skills may be a go…

    Read More

  14. Communication Persuasion And Change - Key Skills To Survive & Succeed

    It's not the strongest that survive, nor the most intelligent, but those who are most responsive to change, the most persuasive, and the best communicators. We are living in an age of unprecedented ch…

    Read More

  15. The Eisenhower Box - What Is Important Is Seldom Urgent

    What Is Important Is Seldom Urgent And What Is Urgent Is Seldom Important. The Eisenhower Box is a time management and decision-making model devised by President Dwight Eisenhower to help him prioriti…

    Read More

  16. Zen Enlightenment [Satori] - The Stink Of Zen

    Lost In Our Delusions About Enlightenment. There is something in human nature - a desire to glamorise, sanctify, objectify and idolise – that elevates people who have offered deep insights to the huma…

    Read More

  17. 5 Zen Mindsets For Mastery - In Any Area Of Your Life

    The Wisdom Of A Person Who Masters In Any Art Is Reflected In Their Every Attitude. The state and quality of your mind has a very large bearing on the quality of your performance in any area of life t…

    Read More

  18. Dealing With The Toxicity Of Online Dating - 6 Key Tips From A Clinical Psychologist

    Toxicity Is The Price Tag Of Accessibility. In the early days of online dating, users were vetted and had to go through a registration process and agree to comply with a code of conduct designed to en…

    Read More

  19. Why Understanding Ergodicity Is Critical To Your Long Term Survival

    How Not To Be Fooled By Randomness. Ergodicity is an ugly word from the world of mathematics. It is an umbrella term for two sets of conditions of probability and outcome. These two conditions form th…

    Read More

  20. Dealing With Imposter Syndrome - Ego Is The Enemy

    How You Frame A Situation Has A Profound Impact On How You Respond To It Emotionally. Imposter syndrome is a psycho-emotional experience of a fear of being found out as incompetent despite ongoing evi…

    Read More

  21. The Challenges Of The Road Less Traveled

    Issues You'll Face When Playing The Long Game. The challenges of the road less traveled is loosely based around the phrase popularised by M.Scott Peck with his book "The Road Less Traveled". This arti…

    Read More

  22. How To Benefit From the Unseen Margins - 5 Key Tips For Success

    These Unseen Margins Can Have A Very Dramatic Impact On Your Life. To understand how to benefit from the unseen margins we need to start by understanding what they are and where we find them. In this…

    Read More

  23. The Art Of Thinking Clearly - How To Do More Than Just Survive And Reproduce

    3 Key Tips The art of thinking clearly starts with the sobering realisation that our brains are designed to achieve two things: Survival and Reproduction! 98% of our thinking is unconscious, automatic…

    Read More

  24. Algorithms to Live By - 5 Useful Rules Of Thumb

    5 Useful Heuristics From Algorithms To Live By The thesis of the book "Algorithms to Live By" is that algorithms developed for computers can be used by people in everyday life in a wide range of situa…

    Read More

  25. Finding Signal In The Noise - How To Avoid The Noise Bottleneck

    The Art Of Being Wise Is The Art Of Knowing What To Overlook. We are blessed and cursed to live in the digital age. We have access to more information than we can possibly handle yet we struggle to fi…

    Read More

  26. The Checklist Manifesto - Your Personal Safety Net

    A Checklist Is A Safety Net That Encourages Better Results And Prevents Avoidable Mistakes. The volume and complexity of what we know has exceeded our individual ability to deliver its benefits correc…

    Read More

  27. How Not To Be Stupid - 4 Key Tips

    How To Avoid The 7 Causes Of Everyday Stupidity. We are all capable of everyday stupidity as we undertake routine tasks in our business and working lives and also in our personal lives. This is not ab…

    Read More

  28. Beginners Mind And The Voice Of Experience

    Only The Experts Survived Evolution. "In the beginner's mind there are many possibilities, but in the expert's there are few." These are the famous words of Shunryu Suzuki in "Zen Mind, Beginner's Min…

    Read More

  29. The Art Of Being Alone Is A Skill

    Let's Make Today A Good Day. You may not have chosen the condition of being alone, and it may have been imposed upon you by circumstances beyond your control, but your response to the situation is wit…

    Read More

  30. Intuition & Anxiety - Are There Angels Or Devils Calling Here?

    How To Tell The Difference Between Intuition and Anxiety. How do you know whether the voice of your intuition is real or just the product of your inner anxiety? We all struggle with these inner voices…

    Read More



Get new posts by email:









Zen-Tools.Net





Support This Site