Be The Light At The End Of Someone Else's Tunnel
What Does It Mean To Be the Light?
"I can't cope with life, I just don't want to live any more," says a woman's softly spoken voice. "Nobody has listened, I just want to go to sleep and not wake up."
Mick, head in hands, tries to reassure her.
"I
know that feeling," says Mick, "but there is a light that is stronger
than the darkness...
"I just don't want to live, Mick, I'm in a dark tunnel and can't get out," says the woman.
He pleads with her. "There's always hope..."
Mick wants others who have had troubles to find hope - just like he has. In his 20s, Mick was a drug dealer consumed by cocaine and violence. He has now found faith and feeds the poor at his Church On The Street in Burnley, UK.
Believing There Is A Light At The End Of The Tunnel
A notable proponent of believing in the light at the end of the tunnel was the late James Stockdale, former US vice presidential candidate, naval commander and prisoner of war during the America-Vietnam war and who survived 8 years of imprisonment and torture.
Stockdale had an unshakeable faith that he would eventually, one day, be released and return home to his family:
“I never lost faith in the end of the story. I never doubted not only that I would get out, but also that I would prevail in the end and turn the experience into the defining event of my life, which, in retrospect, I would not trade.”
But Admiral Stockton balanced his faith in the light at the end of his tunnel with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of his everyday reality as prisoner of war.
Stockton had no place for optimism:
“The optimists... Oh, they were the ones who said, ‘We’re going to be out by Christmas.’ And Christmas would come, and Christmas would go. Then they’d say, ‘We’re going to be out by Easter.’ And Easter would come, and Easter would go. And then Thanksgiving, and then it would be Christmas again. And they died of a broken heart..."
"You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end — which you can never afford to lose — with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be."
This balance between realism and hope in a dire situation has become known as The Stockdale Paradox.
The UK journalist, broadcaster and Rector Giles Fraser echoes this point:
But What About Those Of Us Who Travel Most Of Our Way To Heaven By Night...
Admiral James Stockton and the Rev Giles Fraser are both men of faith
Stockton was a believer in Stoicism and a keen follower of Epitetus and Fraser is a believer in Christianity.
What about those of us of little or no faith?
What about those of us who feel that we have been so let down by life that faith in anything is just a chimera, an illusion, a wisp of smoke on the breeze...?
I want to offer a perspective that is grounded in my own experience. I am experiencing intractable problems that I have lived with for over 20 years and that from time to time cause me to feel so full of despair and shame at my inability to resolve them that I don't want to carry on.
Let me just make clear that I am very blessed in many areas of life and I am surrounded by supportive caring friends and family, and that thankfully I am not depressive. I also know that compared with so many I lead a privileged life.
But nevertheless, the attrition factor of the constant keeping on keeping on sometimes feels too much, and the older I get the stronger this feeling becomes, but I have learned 3 things:
- That there maybe no single all encompassing solution that will allow me, with one jump, to be free and until there is, I face a continuum of experiences to each of which I have a choice as to how I will respond.
- It is the cumulative and compounding effect of these responses that will transform my situation.
- The most powerful key to seeing the light at the end of my personal tunnel is to shift my focus away from myself and my situation and look for opportunities to be the light to someone else.
This website is one such way. Every time I write and post another article, I hold in mind the hope that somewhere, sometime, someone will read it and it will become a light at the end of their personal tunnel of darkness.
Further Reading:
Next Article: Asking The Right Questions
Return from "Be The Light" to: Walking The Talk
Or to: What Is Spirituality?
LATEST ARTICLES
How To Benefit From the Unseen Margins - 5 Key Tips For Success
These Unseen Margins Can Have A Very Dramatic Impact On Your Life. To understand how to benefit from the unseen margins we need to start by understanding what they are and where we find them. In this…The Art Of Thinking Clearly - How To Do More Than Just Survive And Reproduce
3 Key Tips The art of thinking clearly starts with the sobering realisation that our brains are designed to achieve two things: Survival and Reproduction! 98% of our thinking is unconscious, automatic…Algorithms to Live By - 5 Useful Rules Of Thumb
5 Useful Heuristics From Algorithms To Live By The thesis of the book "Algorithms to Live By" is that algorithms developed for computers can be used by people in everyday life in a wide range of situa…Finding Signal In The Noise - How To Avoid The Noise Bottleneck
The Art Of Being Wise Is The Art Of Knowing What To Overlook. We are blessed and cursed to live in the digital age. We have access to more information than we can possibly handle yet we struggle to fi…The Checklist Manifesto - Your Personal Safety Net
A Checklist Is A Safety Net That Encourages Better Results And Prevents Avoidable Mistakes. The volume and complexity of what we know has exceeded our individual ability to deliver its benefits correc…How Not To Be Stupid - 4 Key Tips
How To Avoid The 7 Causes Of Everyday Stupidity. We are all capable of everyday stupidity as we undertake routine tasks in our business and working lives and also in our personal lives. This is not ab…Beginners Mind And The Voice Of Experience
Only The Experts Survived Evolution.
"In the beginner's mind there are many possibilities, but in the expert's there are few." These are the famous words of Shunryu Suzuki in "Zen Mind, Beginner's Min…The Art Of Being Alone Is A Skill
Let's Make Today A Good Day. You may not have chosen the condition of being alone, and it may have been imposed upon you by circumstances beyond your control, but your response to the situation is wit…Intuition & Anxiety - Are There Angels Or Devils Calling Here?
How To Tell The Difference Between Intuition and Anxiety. How do you know whether the voice of your intuition is real or just the product of your inner anxiety? We all struggle with these inner voices…Like A Prayer - Life Is A Mystery
It Isn't The Process Of Prayer That’s The Problem, It’s The Way It’s Framed. Regardless of what we feel about Madonna or her song the topic of prayer often arouses strong reactions. Usually, it is som…Fear Of Missing Out - "I'll Have What She's Having!"
We Follow The Herd - We Mimic Other People's Choices. Fear of missing out - or FOMO as it is popularly referred to - is the feeling that everyone else in your peer group is having much more fun than y…Free - Self Improvement Resources
Exercising Balance and Discernment. I have just updated these self improvement resources with a number of additional sources of material that are practical and can help you change your life. Check it…Your Higher Self - Your Hardwired Portal To The Universe
This Is The You That Is Beyond Your Thinking Mind. This is the big you, the transcendent you, the you that is often referred to as your higher consciousness or higher self. This is the you that acts a…The Power Of Gratitude - It's Good For You!
Gratitude And Attitude Are Not Challenges, They Are Choices. The power of gratitude quite simply is that it is good for you! Many of us were raised by parents who instilled in us the social niceties o…Living With Your Thoughts - 4 Tools To Help You
Develop A Good Working Relationship With Your Mind. The first step in living with your thoughts is to understand and develop a good working relationship with all areas of your mind. The key to develop…You Are Not Your Thoughts - How To Escape This Ferris Wheel Of Suffering
The 4 Stages To Dealing With Your Thoughts. You are not your thoughts, at least that's what your rational mind tells you most of the time, but that's definitely not how it feels at 3 am when you have…Finish What You Start - Action Will Destroy Your Procrastination
4 Key Tips To Help You Finish What You Start. So why do you fail to finish what you start? Or in my case, why do I fail to even get started? There is a wealth of information out there about how to avo…Going The Extra Mile - The Power Of One More
Life Is Non-Linear, Which Makes The Rewards Of Continued Effort Disproportionately Big. In the pursuit of a long term goal you have to go countless extra miles to set yourself up for a big success. Go…Tao Te Ching - Connecting To Your True Source Of Power.
How To Be Lived By The Tao. The Tao Te Ching is one of those books that many people read, few understand, and even fewer put into practice. The only way to know the Tao is to experience it, and it is…Dying To Self & Dropping The Ego
Everything Does Not Revolve Around Me. The two phrases dying to self & dropping the ego are Christian and Buddhist expressions of the same fundamental truth - the need to correct the inbuilt, hardwire…The Confident Mind - 4 Keys To Peak Performance
Peak Performance Is Meditation In Motion. Peak performance is grounded in the Tao practise of Wu Wei which means "doing with out doing". This is all about how you take action by being so immersed in p…Going With The Flow - The Balance Of Being And Doing
Steer The Boat Each Day Rather Than Plan Ahead Way Into The Future. Going with the flow is about learning to become comfortable with uncertainty, and learning how to exploit the potential hidden withi…8 Principles For Success
A Timeless Foundation On Which To Build Your Success. There are Universal laws and processes that work to support us and guarantee that we achieve all our goals. But first we need to know what they ar…The Loving Father
A Love That Will Not Let You Go. I had a loving father. I knew that I did, but I never felt it. My father was a good man but very damaged and unable to show his feelings. So I grew up knowing in my he…Your Ebenezer Stone Of Help
How To Stay Connected To Your True Source Of Power. Approximately 2,500 years ago the Israeli town of Kafr Qasim was close to the site of two battles between the ancient Israelis and their neighbours…The Stockdale Paradox
How To Deal With The Attrition Factor. The Stockdale Paradox is named after the late James Stockdale, former vice presidential candidate, naval commander and prisoner of war during the American-Vietna…Embrace Your Fear Of Failure And Uncertainty
We Celebrate Success And Ignore Failure. Numerous studies have been undertaken on successful people to understand what it was that they did to become so successful, how they did it and when they did i…The Wilderness Years - 3 Keys To An Exit
How You Got Into The Wilderness Matters Less Than The Lessons To Be Learnt There. The wilderness years can be described as any lengthy time, longer than a year, that is spend aimlessly; without an imm…Boredom – Your Greatest Threat to Results
We Live In A World That Glorifies The Results And Not The Process. We all know what we should be doing, but the trouble with that is that sooner of later we get bored. The enjoyment fades, the excitem…The Luck Factor - 4 Basic Principles
You Can Master The Art of Creating Your Own Luck By Mastering 4 Key Principles "The Luck Factor" is the title of a book published 20 years ago based on the research of Professor Richard Wiseman who fo…