Roxanne

I Will Not Share You With So Many Other Men

The Toxicity Of Addiction To Instagram Self-Validation

Picture posed by a model

Roxanne...
You don't have to put on the red light
Those days are over
No more posting selfies on Instagram tonight
You don't have to sell your body for likes

Roxanne…
I loved you since I knew you
So much that we have been through
Six years we've been together now
And now you say you found yourself
You love your body and show it to so many men
So proud you will not stop cos then
No more likes you want and need again

Roxanne...
You don't have to strip off your clothes
They have no respect god only knows
Don't see a woman who is proud of her skin
You're just a piece of meat to them
Another sexy body in the night
Who cares if it's wrong or if it's right…

Roxanne...
You don't have to undress tonight
And post on Instagram as usual
Those bodyshots for their approval
Not empowering and not right
Just followers' fuel to masturbate
And getting paid likes to validate you

Roxanne...
You don't have to show your body
And post on Instagram tonight
But I have to tell you just how I feel
Not telling you what to do my love
But I won't share you with 1,500 other men
It breaks my heart to see you do this again

Roxanne...
I know my mind is made up
So put away your make up
No more posting selfies on Instagram for likes
Told you once, told you so many times, I won't tell you again
But now you’ve made your choice so
Goodbye for now mahal ko

This piece describes one man's pain at losing a much loved woman through her obsession with posting sexualised body pics to 1,500 exclusively male followers on Instagram. It is told from the man's perspective and is based on an anecdote that was shared with me by a longstanding male friend.

I think the personal tragedy of this story is largely self explanatory, but for context I do understand that the woman's obsession with posting on Instagram was a pattern of behaviour that only developed 5 years into a 6 year relationship.

My friend also shared that his partner had deep seated self-esteem issues and regarded her Instagram activity as a form of self validation, but he  couldn't handle it and at the time they were unable to work out a solution that worked for both of them.

He said that he hoped they would resolve their issues as he loved her very much and missed her, but it would involve a compromise by both of them...

Postscript

My friend was speaking with me last night and he updated me on the situation with himself and his partner.

Apparently, last week he discovered that she had a Facebook account with over 35,000 mainly male followers on a members' only basis. She had never told him about this account and never given him access to it.

She told him that she had been using this account to launch an online multi-platform digital business and she had done this over the past year with a campaign of regular postings of sexualized body pics.

"I choose me over us"

When challenged by my friend she said it was:

"...to express myself and be proud of my own skin. This is more than just skin and attention and strategy. It is also an empowerment for me.

But I guess I cant have it all, coz thats me choosing myself between me and us.

And I choose me over us."

Further Reading

"Seeing myself and my self-worth as defined by how many likes I got on my last selfie posting on Instagram."

How To Build Self Esteem

Toxicity in relationships...

Knowing When To Quit 

6 Key Tips From A Clinical Psychologist:

Dealing With The Toxicity Of Online Dating

Return to: Social Contagion

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