Trust The Process 

There is a saying in the Tao Te Ching [sutra 22] that says:

"If you want to be given everything, give everything up."

This little aphorism carries a lot of weight.

The desire for control is an ego thing.

On the one hand your ego is essential and does a wonderful job of running things for you and marshalling your mental and emotional resources to work for you.

But it has one big fatal flaw, it creates and sustains two major delusions: firstly that it is who you really are - and secondly that it is in control of your life. 

The effect of this is that you naturally gravitate to the tangible things that you can see easily and think you can control.

But life is complex and there are many situations where you just can't force an outcome, and the process requires you to shift your focus to the intangible areas where, over time, you may have influence.

However, there will often be times when you need to just surrender to the steps you're taking by consciously setting aside your preferred outcome or goal - or indeed any outcome or goal - and just focusing on the processes involved in the task in hand.

Non-Attached Mind - does not seek to gain anything

[2] Having Patience During The Gestation Period

Progress is often invisible.

It can feel like watching grass grow!

Life works in cycles and that does involve waiting, in other words, a gestation period.

Given that it can take months and often years for your goals to come to fruition, persistence - coupled with consistence - is everything.

Then there are the hold ups, blockages and setbacks. There is much "trial and error", this is period of deep learning, development and putting down deep roots.

This is a time of transition and it can often feel like you are stuck in limbo, but even though you can not see it nor do you know when it will happen,the gestation period will end with the creation and birth of your long cherished goal.

You can think of this as a "moment of alignment for action" - an opportune or decisive moment, a time when conditions are right and circumstances align for a decisive action or a significant event.

The Seasonality of Time And The Gestation Period

[3] Staying Present

We are brought up to believe that we get what we want in life as a result of what we do, by the actions that we take.

Most of our actions are born out of fear, worry or doubt

The issue that we all face is that we are obsessed with doing, and that inevitably involves some form of struggle.

Those of us from a western influenced background are culturally conditioned to an action orientation, and thus we automatically place a great value on activity.

We truly believe that nothing will happen unless we do something. So we end up attempting to force our intentions and desires into manifestation by our actions.

Rather than obsessing over where you are - not yet, focus on fully engaging with where you are - right now.

Use the energy that drives you into the search in the future to drive you deeper into the present moment – use that  energy to embrace the present moment:

To trust the process is like watching a river flow. You don't need to push the water forward. You simply participate, moment by moment, with what is unfolding.

Flowing Mind - Fully Present and Aware Whilst Taking Action

We live in a world dominated by social media that focuses on results and especially on big success, but it overlooks the process.

We live in a world that glorifies the results and not the process.

We see the knockout punch, we hear the hit song, we enjoy the dramatic performance but not the years of effort that went into perfecting it.

We see results but not the hard work.

The only way you can be far above average is to find a way to do the same thing over and over again.

This is hard, it will make you sweat, it may make you cry.

In archery, if you put intensity, focus and sincerity into the process—where you place our feet, how you hold the bow, how you breathe during the release of the arrow - then hitting the bullseye is simply a side effect.

As James Clear puts it:

"The point is not to worry about hitting the target.

The only way to become excellent is to be endlessly fascinated by doing the same thing over and over. You have to fall in love with the boredom of doing the work and embrace each piece of the process.

The point is to take that moment of complete awareness and focus, and carry it with you everywhere in life."

We live in an age driven by data and metrics. The old adage "what gets measured gets managed" has never been more pertinent.

The metrics we choose to focus on can significantly shape our outcomes, sometimes in ways we don't intend.

We are hardwired to measure our progress in any and all areas of life where we have goals and aspirations. We can't not do it.

The emotional logic for measuring things is that it gives us a feeling of being in control and reduces the feeling of uncertainty [or we like to think it does].

But what we measure, and how we measure it, is important. It is even more important to measure the right thing.

Our default progress measurement setting is a forward measurement and this leads to self sabotage and results in deep unhappiness and dissatisfaction with our lives.

A forward measurement measures the distance between where we are now and where we think we want to be - which is always an ideal goal and by its very nature is always a moving target that remains out of reach.

Instead I recommend that you:

# Focus on The Gain

Shift your focus away from the gap - between where you are now and where to want to be - to the gain. Apply a backwards measurement of your progress to date on where you have come from.

# Measure The Small Steps In The Process

Without measurement of your daily activity in following the process you have no feedback. For example: you can’t predict when you find love, but you can pay attention to how many times you introduce yourself to someone new.

In today’s fast-paced, hyper-connected world, the temptation to focus on optics - how things appear - is greater than ever.

While optics can provide short-term benefits, such as boosting your personal reputation, relying solely on them can lead to a hollow foundation and a lack of genuine progress, and yet this is the option we usually take as we are hard-wired to follow the line of least resistance and to follow the herd.

The personal benefit of optics is expressed in terms of intangible factors usually associated with ego, vanity and greed.

The personal cost of prioritising optics is not always immediately apparent but is often high, and frequently higher than we initially realise over the long term, and it is ultimately expressed as a tangible financial cost.

In contrast, the ultimate example of a focus on outcome over optics occurs when you are playing the long game and you really do have to trust the process.

When you play the long game you delay gratification now to get more later, you stop focusing on the short term and you think ahead.

The immediate effect of this is that you will be less efficient in the short term in order to be much more effective in the long term.

This can be hard and it means being prepared to make a lot of mistakes and errors and on occasions being prepared to look stupid.

If you are pursuing a high value long term objective I can promise you with great certainty that as you trust the process you will experience a number of situational changes - in fact they will most likely be imposed upon you. 

You will underdo an internal process of transition that you have to go through as you make your readjustment and realignment to the new realities.

I am going to be blunt, to really trust the process in the pursuit of a significant and high value objective will cost you heavily. 

Trust will take you through a process of transition that will test you severely. It will break you or make you. 

Hear what British explorer, adventurer and presenter Bear Grylls has to say on this subject: 

“I will never forget the day I finally passed SAS selection. At the end of the long, grueling process of elimination, where 140 recruits had steadily been whittled down to only four of us, I finally found myself preparing to get ‘badged.’

Yet it was the most low-key event you could ever imagine. No fanfare, no bugler, no parade. Just the four of us that remained, standing in a small, nondescript outbuilding on the edge of the Hereford training camp; we were battered, exhausted, bruised and spent, yet our hearts were bursting with pride.

The commanding officer of the regiment walked in, stood in front of us and said these words - I have never forgotten them:

'From this day on, you are part of a family. I know what you have had to give to earn the right to be here. The difference between the four of you and the rest of those who have failed is very simple: it is the ability to give that little bit extra when it hurts. You see, the difference between ordinary and extraordinary is often just that little word extra.'"