Dying To Self & Dropping The Ego
Everything Does Not Revolve Around Me
Achieving balance between the inner world of consciousness and the day to day requirements of the outer world of duality.
Dying To Self & Dropping The Ego - What Does It Mean and Why Would You Do It?
It does not mean sitting in a cave on a mountain in Tibet chanting Om.
Nor does it necessarily mean having some form of amazing esoteric or transcendent experience.
The two phrases dying to self & dropping the ego are Christian and Buddhist expressions of the same fundamental truth - the need to correct the inbuilt, hardwired tendency to assume that everything revolves around "me".
This is all about achieving a balance between the harmony and peace of the inner world of consciousness and awareness with the requirements of surviving and functioning effectively in the outer world of duality.
This balance occurs when we draw daily guidance and inspiration from our inner world and execute and implement with our thinking minds.
Dying To Self - How To Do It?
Dying to self and dropping the ego occurs quite naturally when you quieten your mind and shift your focus away from yourself.
One of the best ways to do this is with mindfulness practice, the practice of gratitude or indeed any meditation practice that allows for space between the stream of thoughts and for consciousness to arise.
It is a practice and it grows with focused attention and repetition.
Dying to self can also occur in response to a direct request (or prayer) to your higher consciousness/higher self for help.
Putting someone else first and acting in a selfless way is another practical way of practicing it.
Quite often you just need to get out of your own way, stop trying to figure out the "how?", understand that seeing is not always believing and let the energy flow, in other words:
So Is The Ego All Bad?
Absolutely not. The ego is your operating system we can liken it to your own personal "Windows 10"!
Your
ego is essential and does a wonderful job of running things for you and
marshalling your mental and emotional resources to work for you.
But
your inner "Windows 10" has one big fatal flaw, it creates and sustains
the delusion that it is who you really are - and in so doing it cuts
you off from your relationship with the energy of life.
The Ego Is Sneaky
Your ego is clever and
it is sneaky because it will always be looking for ways to assert
itself in all sorts of subtle and not so obvious ways.
Stuck in seeking syndrome
For
example, over many years I have attended a large number of different
spiritual groups and heard people (often experienced practitioners who
really should know better) saying things like: "One day, in 10,000 lifetimes I look forward to being enlightened."
Of in another context: "One day, when I get to heaven, I look forward to being more like Jesus."
This is a clever deception by the ego because being stuck in seeking is
the single biggest stumbling block to present moment awareness. There
is nothing of truth that we can find anywhere but NOW right here in this
present moment.
The Ego Paradox
To drop the ego effectively you have to have an ego to drop!
The more healthy and strongly developed your ego is the more effectively you will be able to drop it.
This
might sound strange, but there is something that I have observed many
times over the years within Buddhist groups and also in Christian groups
and it is particularly prevalent amongst young adults.
The "Wounded Seeker Syndrome"
It is what I call the "wounded seeker syndrome". This often happens because spiritual groups [of various beliefs] are usually welcoming and
inclusive and therefore provide a safe haven for people who
for a variety of reasons have not learned to be able to cope with life
and have sought refuge in these circles.
"Nothing wrong with that"
I hear you say, and to a point you are right, but the problem arises
over time - usually several years - as these people develop a sense of
self/an ego that becomes heavily identified in a role within the
confines of the group to which they are affiliated.
Unless wise
and skillful leadership works with these people and guides them to the
help they need they never move and do not grow, and without a developed
ego to drop they fall apart when they try .
Paradoxical as it may
sound, until you have a strong and well developed ego, it is difficult
and sometimes dangerous to try and drop your ego.
If you feel
that this is where you are at right now, then I would strongly and
lovingly recommend that you seek help and deal with your
unresolved issues first.
But I am wary of dying to self & dropping the ego...
I understand your concern and maybe I can paraphrase it this way:
"
It's all very well talking about all this stuff about dropping the ego
or dying to self but if I am ceding control, if I am not in control, who
or what is?
I could just say, that you'll never know until you do it, but that probably won't help you.
This can only be experienced, and what you will be
experiencing is framed differently according to the spiritual expression
within which you are practicing.
Within the Buddhist tradition what you will experience is described as "emptiness", consciousness that is beyond form and substance, the energy from which all things arise and into which they decay and recede.
I also want to offer a different perspective that draws from the deep well of Christian experience of The Energy Of Life that expresses this experience as relationship.
It was early one sunny summer
morning, and I went out for a walk along the seafront. It was a
beautiful day. An expensive looking yacht was moored in the bay. The sun
was shining, the sky was blue and the tide was in and as calm as a
millpond, unlike my head which was in turmoil from questions I couldn’t
answer. From that day onwards I dropped my heavy thinking and behaved far more
intuitively. In a very profound way I understood what it means to go with the flow.
Dying To Self & Dropping The Ego - A Personal Experience
Over and over I played and replayed the sequence of
events that had led to this moment, the loss of all my money, the death
of my business and the impending death of my reputation as I filed for
bankruptcy.
Thoughts of despair, thoughts of failure, thoughts of shame at having failed my family…
I
found quiet spot, on the cliff path adjacent to the seafront, I sat on a
bench and focused on my breath and meditated. I focused on the sound of
the sea lapping on the beach, the seagulls overhead… my mind stilled
and I felt at peace.
After about 30 minutes I decided I ought to
return to the house as my family would be waking up and wouldn’t know
where I was. As I walked down the path back towards the seafront a most
extraordinary thing happened: suddenly and without any prior warning of
what was about to happen I felt that it was as though I had become two
dimensional and was as thin as a sheet of paper and had taken on the
shape of an open door frame… and then it happened…
I suddenly
became aware of an enormous surge of energy flowing through this open
two dimensional door frame shape, I could see it coming from way behind
me flowing through me and surging off into the distance. It was like a
river about four feet deep and six feet wide…and it poured through me…it
swirled through me…and I heard a voice in my head saying:
“I am Life, The Energy of Life, and I flow through you; I always have and I always will…”
I
came back to myself and the moment was over. The sense of that
experience stayed with me, and remains with me to this day many years
later. The veil was lifted and I had a glimpse of a far deeper reality
than the world of my thoughts.
Did my life suddenly change? No.
Things were still tough and remained so for a while longer. But my sense
of the underlying reality that I had experienced changed my perception.
Next Article: The Confident Mind - 4 Keys To Peak Performance
Return from "Dying To Self" to: Walking The Talk
Or to: What Is Spirituality?
LATEST ARTICLES
The Dopamine Delusion - Why Anticipation Beats Achievement
The thrill we feel is not in the having, but in the wanting. The more we have, the more we want. The more things we acquire and the easier things get for us, the more discontent we feel. The more spo…The Power Of Silence Is Experienced In Your Use Of Language
Practise the "Beneficial Neurological Delay" for optimal comprehension. The power of silence is experienced in your use of language, specifically: - How you formulate the words you use to think and in…Dealing With Setbacks - 5 Questions To Help You Face Discomfort
How To Counter The Cognitive Shock Of A Setback. Setbacks challenge your instinctual desire for control and comfort, making it unnatural to respond with calm or acceptance. The reason for these instin…Why Praxis Is The Key To Living A Successful And Stress Free Life
Praxis Is The Process Of Taking Informed Action To take informed action you need to be prepared with information, knowledge, education and insight. Informed action is objective action that: - Seeks to…The Power Of Working With The Front Line
How To Exercise Influence Without Authority In Complex Systems I first discovered the power of working with the frontline when I was working as a business troubleshooter on large projects, programmes…Dealing With Distraction - Learning How To Live With Your "Attention Autopilot"
Living With Your Attention Autopilot The good news about your Attention Autopilot is that it will keep you safe. It is continuously scanning your immediate environment for threats. The bad news is tha…The Time Of Your Life - Recognising Moments Of Alignment For Action
How will you recognise your moment of alignment for action? In this article I want to look at our relationship with time and in the context of the two main themes of this site, firstly as a thinking s…The Metagame Approach to Second Order Thinking - 5 Guiding Principles
How To Position Yourself For Survival & Success In A Complex Environment We treat life as though it is a complicated system, and our thinking skills and mental models are focused on understanding its…Outcome Over Optics - Long Game Outcomes Over Short-Term Ego Gains
The Day I Learned To Focus On Outcome Over Optics I have never forgotten the day I learned to focus on outcomes over optics and figured out a very simple way of saving myself several hundred thousand…The ETTO Principle - Why Near Enough Can Be Good Enough
How To Balance the Efficiency-Thoroughness Trade Off The ETTO Principle describes the inherent trade-off between working efficiently and working thoroughly. This trade-off is something that affects…Master The Art Of Drawing The Bow
Focus On Process Not Outcome In so many areas of our lives, we focus on the outcome, not the process that we follow to achieve it. In the western world, we are conditioned to pay less attention to how…And So This Is Christmas
There Is No Path To Peace - The Path Is Peace Thich Nhat Hanh, the renowned Vietnamese Zen Buddhist monk, teacher, and peace activist, often spoke about peace as a state of being that begins within on…Curiosity Skilled The Cat - Optimize For Interesting
Curiosity Fuels Excellence The old adage, “Curiosity killed the cat,” warns of the dangers of venturing too far into the unknown. But what if we reimagine it not as a risk but as a gateway to developi…Let Stillness Speak - Living Within A Complex System
To let stlllness speak is to learn it's first major lesson: you are not your thoughts. To let stillness speak is about stepping back from the constant chatter of your mind and allowing a deeper, quiet…Understanding Complex Systems Thinking - It's Not Complicated
Understanding, and being able to work with, complexity is an important thinking skill.
We are all working with complex systems, and we do so every day. The biggest one is life itself. We automaticall…Stay On The Bus - When To Keep On Going
The Helsinki Bus Station Theory
Have you ever started a new project, initiative or role with a big vision and a determination to make a difference? Initially you were full of enthusiasm and highly mo…Zen Thoughts Email Series
Conversations With A Friend Zen Thoughts is an email series of 50 short messages spread over 3 months. The messages are written in the style of a conversation with a friend who is going through a toug…How to Get What You Value by Changing What You Measure
Give Up Control & Gain Influence To Get What You Want
The metrics we choose to focus on can significantly shape our outcomes, sometimes in ways we don't intend. The challenge is to make sure that you…How to Become A Master At Overcoming Hard Moments
"The best in the world are not the best because they win every point. It's because they lose again and again and have learned how to deal with it." This quote from Roger Federer has got a lot of cover…Drop The Story - Deal With Your Demons and Transform Your Experience
Are you living your life from the stories you tell yourself? Learning how to drop the story and deal with that voice in your head can be a game changer. When you can do this you will have a powerful t…