My Experience Of Mindfulness

I realised that to cope with my problems at night I needed something very simple that I could use in a semi –conscious state.

During waking hours whenever it all got too much to bear, I would go outside and find a seat somewhere that I knew I wouldn’t get distracted by anyone and I practised a deep acceptance exercise:

• Check-in internally – what am I feeling now? (Do it very quickly and no thinking about it – we do not want the mind involved!)

• Go with the FIRST feeling that comes up

• Say out loud (or loudly in your head “I accept that I am feeling angry / frightened /fearful /anxious / resentful / etc

• Say it over and over again several times like a mantra

• SAY IT WITH MAXIMUM INTENSITY AND FOCUS

• Check-in again internally - what am I feeling now?

• Go with the FIRST feeling that comes up

• Say out loud (or loudly in your head “I accept that I am feeling angry / frightened /fearful /anxious / resentful etc

• Say it over and over again several times like a mantra

Amazingly, after a number of iterations of this process, I find that the answer to the "what am I feeling now?" question is peace and a deep inner sense of calm.

I have used this process many times and it always works.

What this exercise does is to cause you to accept whatever is in your thinking mind. This stops you identifying with your thinking mind and your focus automatically shifts to your observing mind.

I am terrified of heights. There is a large and quite long suspension bridge over a mile wide estuary near where I live.

There are 2 thin support cables fixed on supporting struts mounted on top of the suspension cables. These are designed for workmen – wearing harnesses – to clip themselves on to the support cables as they walk up and on top of the main suspension cables that rise from about 300 feet above sea level to about 800 feet above sea level.

I know that if I had to – in an emergency, I could walk that cable – just. Even writing about it is bringing me out in a cold sweat!

So I did an exercise whereby I walked the length of the suspension cables – but on the bridge. However, in my mind and imagination I did every step for real. I could feel the wind, see the drop below and feel the overwhelming panic and terror. I visualised and experienced in my senses every aspect of that walk, as though it was for real.

The only way I could ever make a walk like that in reality is with massive and intense present moment awareness. Walking very slowly, breathing deeply and steadily with a total focus on the action of each slow step.

And in I my imaginary walk up the cable – as in reality I walked under it along the bridge - I anchored the intense feelings of present moment awareness as I coped with “walking” that cable.

After having completed this exercise and having anchored the feelings and states I was able to replay that experience at will and on demand.

Over a period of several hard weeks I “walked that cable” many, many times and each time I was brought into a deep and powerful sense of present moment awareness that would last for quite a while.

After a number of repetitions of this exercise, it became automatic and I dropped the visualisation and was just able to enter a deep state of present moment awareness fairly easily (and I still can).