Mind Games & How To Free Yourself From Them
A Day In The Life Of Me
Don't give 100 percent of your attention to the external world and to your mind. Keep some within.
Today has been a day of mind games.
I've been doing quite well recently and feeling good about myself and the quality of my writing and the number of articles I have been able to write over the past week. Various other business and personal projects have been progressing nicely.
This morning was the beginning of a not-so-good day.
I sat down first thing with my early morning cup of Vietnamese coffee before heading off to the gym and I opened my email and got off to a bad start.
There was an irritating message telling me that a cost saving exercise I was trying to initiate on one of my businesses was actually going to cost more money and regardless of which of the available options I took it was still going to cost me more money.
A friend and colleague who is running my social media campaign messaged to say she was sick [again] and unable to work today.
So to cheer myself up I checked the stats on my website and OMG the daily visitor count was down yesterday!
I then checked the stats on my social media campaign and the stats were neither up nor down but static overnight and that irritated me.
I decided to have another look at cash-flow forecasts for this month... this was interrupted by a business call from Singapore during which I re-explained the finer points of a current deal to a colleague...
I looked at the time and I was by now an hour late leaving to go to the gym. But following my own advice in an article I wrote yesterday I just did it and went to the gym.
Then as I drove the short distance to the gym my mind was flooded with negative thoughts about the various frustrations and irritations in my life.
By the time I got to the gym I was feeling thoroughly hacked-off with life.
Fortunately I have been doing mindfulness practice for a long time now so from the other side of my head I could hear a little voice whispering:
"Don't you think you are over-reacting to all this... be mindful..."
As the day progressed I became very observant of the currents of my emotional reactions to the earlier events and I watched their ebb and flow rather like the currents in the tidal estuary that my apartment overlooks.
By late afternoon I had taken a serious step back and was in a mindful state of observation and reflection and it occurred to me how ironic it was that despite 20 + years of mindfulness practice, and many years of writing articles on how to think effectively and how to stop thinking, I still fall into the old grooves and bad mental habits.
The Realisation
Then it hit me:
- Today was not in anyway substantially different from yesterday, aside from some minor irritations - but what was different was my response to these things.
- The irritations were irritations only because I chose to be irritated.
- These situation and events had no intrinsic meaning or value other than that which I chose to give them - and in today's case I chose a negative view.
- My over-reaction to changes in data metrics over a short time-frame were completely out of context of the overall long term trends - put simply I was over-reacting to very short-term variations.
- But regardless of the metrics and the long term trend, my reaction was a choice.
- My first poor choice of response contaminated my response to the next situation and each successive small event cascaded into a larger negative over-reaction.
- This emotional and mental swirl of negativity "earthed out" on some of my more deep seated fears and insecurities and I could feel this all getting ridiculously out of hand.
- I could also feel the physical urge to eat and drink for comfort with a sweet hot drink and a large greasy bacon sandwich and the urge to indulge in compensatory behaviour - various forms of time-wasting procrastination and distraction - anything to make me feel better.
How To Free Yourself From Your Mind Games
Here are 6 useful take-ways courtesy of Eckhart Tolle:
[1] Watch the thinker - start listening to the voices in your head
As often as you can, pay particular attention to any repetitive thought
patterns, those tracks that have been playing in your head for many years.
[2] Focus your attention into the now
Become intensely conscious of the present moment. You can measure your success in this practice by the amount of peace that you feel.
[3] Look at your emotions - your body's reaction to your mind
The more you are identified with your thinking, your likes and dislikes,
judgments and interpretations - and the less present you are
as the watching consciousness - the emotional energy charge
will be stronger whether you are aware of it or not.
[4] Watch out for any kind of defensiveness within yourself
What are you defending? Is it an illusory identity, an image in your
mind, a fictitious entity? By making this pattern conscious, by observing it, you stop identifying with it. In the light of your
conscious-awareness, the unconscious pattern will then quickly dissolve.
[5] End the delusion of time by letting go of psychological time
Time and mind are inseparable. Remove time from the mind and it stops - unless you choose to use it. To be identified with your mind is to be trapped in time. Step out of the time dimension as much as possible in everyday life. If you find it hard to enter the Now directly, start by observing the habitual tendency of your mind to be in the past or future.
[6] Connect with your inner body
Direct your attention into the body. Feel it from within. Is it alive? Can you feel the subtle energy field that pervades the entire body and gives vibrant life to every organ and every cell? Keep focusing on the feeling of your inner body for a few moments. Do not start to think about it. Feel it.
Further reading and free download:
Freeing Yourself From Your Mind Games
The Best of Pema Chödrön: Life, Quotes, and Books
Next Article: Just Do It - A Call To Action And Getting Started
Return from "Mind Games" to: Walking The Talk
Contact me
LATEST ARTICLES
The Challenges Of The Road Less Traveled
Issues You'll Face When Playing The Long Game. The challenges of the road less traveled is loosely based around the phrase popularised by M.Scott Peck with his book "The Road Less Traveled". This arti…How To Benefit From the Unseen Margins - 5 Key Tips For Success
These Unseen Margins Can Have A Very Dramatic Impact On Your Life. To understand how to benefit from the unseen margins we need to start by understanding what they are and where we find them. In this…The Art Of Thinking Clearly - How To Do More Than Just Survive And Reproduce
3 Key Tips The art of thinking clearly starts with the sobering realisation that our brains are designed to achieve two things: Survival and Reproduction! 98% of our thinking is unconscious, automatic…Algorithms to Live By - 5 Useful Rules Of Thumb
5 Useful Heuristics From Algorithms To Live By The thesis of the book "Algorithms to Live By" is that algorithms developed for computers can be used by people in everyday life in a wide range of situa…Finding Signal In The Noise - How To Avoid The Noise Bottleneck
The Art Of Being Wise Is The Art Of Knowing What To Overlook. We are blessed and cursed to live in the digital age. We have access to more information than we can possibly handle yet we struggle to fi…The Checklist Manifesto - Your Personal Safety Net
A Checklist Is A Safety Net That Encourages Better Results And Prevents Avoidable Mistakes. The volume and complexity of what we know has exceeded our individual ability to deliver its benefits correc…How Not To Be Stupid - 4 Key Tips
How To Avoid The 7 Causes Of Everyday Stupidity. We are all capable of everyday stupidity as we undertake routine tasks in our business and working lives and also in our personal lives. This is not ab…Beginners Mind And The Voice Of Experience
Only The Experts Survived Evolution.
"In the beginner's mind there are many possibilities, but in the expert's there are few." These are the famous words of Shunryu Suzuki in "Zen Mind, Beginner's Min…The Art Of Being Alone Is A Skill
Let's Make Today A Good Day. You may not have chosen the condition of being alone, and it may have been imposed upon you by circumstances beyond your control, but your response to the situation is wit…Intuition & Anxiety - Are There Angels Or Devils Calling Here?
How To Tell The Difference Between Intuition and Anxiety. How do you know whether the voice of your intuition is real or just the product of your inner anxiety? We all struggle with these inner voices…Like A Prayer - Life Is A Mystery
It Isn't The Process Of Prayer That’s The Problem, It’s The Way It’s Framed. Regardless of what we feel about Madonna or her song the topic of prayer often arouses strong reactions. Usually, it is som…Fear Of Missing Out - "I'll Have What She's Having!"
We Follow The Herd - We Mimic Other People's Choices. Fear of missing out - or FOMO as it is popularly referred to - is the feeling that everyone else in your peer group is having much more fun than y…Free - Self Improvement Resources
Exercising Balance and Discernment. I have just updated these self improvement resources with a number of additional sources of material that are practical and can help you change your life. Check it…Your Higher Self - Your Hardwired Portal To The Universe
This Is The You That Is Beyond Your Thinking Mind. This is the big you, the transcendent you, the you that is often referred to as your higher consciousness or higher self. This is the you that acts a…The Power Of Gratitude - It's Good For You!
Gratitude And Attitude Are Not Challenges, They Are Choices. The power of gratitude quite simply is that it is good for you! Many of us were raised by parents who instilled in us the social niceties o…Living With Your Thoughts - 4 Tools To Help You
Develop A Good Working Relationship With Your Mind. The first step in living with your thoughts is to understand and develop a good working relationship with all areas of your mind. The key to develop…You Are Not Your Thoughts - How To Escape This Ferris Wheel Of Suffering
The 4 Stages To Dealing With Your Thoughts. You are not your thoughts, at least that's what your rational mind tells you most of the time, but that's definitely not how it feels at 3 am when you have…Finish What You Start - Action Will Destroy Your Procrastination
4 Key Tips To Help You Finish What You Start. So why do you fail to finish what you start? Or in my case, why do I fail to even get started? There is a wealth of information out there about how to avo…Going The Extra Mile - The Power Of One More
Life Is Non-Linear, Which Makes The Rewards Of Continued Effort Disproportionately Big. In the pursuit of a long term goal you have to go countless extra miles to set yourself up for a big success. Go…Tao Te Ching - Connecting To Your True Source Of Power.
How To Be Lived By The Tao. The Tao Te Ching is one of those books that many people read, few understand, and even fewer put into practice. The only way to know the Tao is to experience it, and it is…Dying To Self & Dropping The Ego
Everything Does Not Revolve Around Me. The two phrases dying to self & dropping the ego are Christian and Buddhist expressions of the same fundamental truth - the need to correct the inbuilt, hardwire…The Confident Mind - 4 Keys To Peak Performance
Peak Performance Is Meditation In Motion. Peak performance is grounded in the Tao practise of Wu Wei which means "doing with out doing". This is all about how you take action by being so immersed in p…Going With The Flow - The Balance Of Being And Doing
Steer The Boat Each Day Rather Than Plan Ahead Way Into The Future. Going with the flow is about learning to become comfortable with uncertainty, and learning how to exploit the potential hidden withi…8 Principles For Success
A Timeless Foundation On Which To Build Your Success. There are Universal laws and processes that work to support us and guarantee that we achieve all our goals. But first we need to know what they ar…The Loving Father
A Love That Will Not Let You Go. I had a loving father. I knew that I did, but I never felt it. My father was a good man but very damaged and unable to show his feelings. So I grew up knowing in my he…Your Ebenezer Stone Of Help
How To Stay Connected To Your True Source Of Power. Approximately 2,500 years ago the Israeli town of Kafr Qasim was close to the site of two battles between the ancient Israelis and their neighbours…The Stockdale Paradox
How To Deal With The Attrition Factor. The Stockdale Paradox is named after the late James Stockdale, former vice presidential candidate, naval commander and prisoner of war during the American-Vietna…Embrace Your Fear Of Failure And Uncertainty
We Celebrate Success And Ignore Failure. Numerous studies have been undertaken on successful people to understand what it was that they did to become so successful, how they did it and when they did i…The Wilderness Years - 3 Keys To An Exit
How You Got Into The Wilderness Matters Less Than The Lessons To Be Learnt There. The wilderness years can be described as any lengthy time, longer than a year, that is spend aimlessly; without an imm…Boredom – Your Greatest Threat to Results
We Live In A World That Glorifies The Results And Not The Process. We all know what we should be doing, but the trouble with that is that sooner of later we get bored. The enjoyment fades, the excitem…