What is self awareness?
Self awareness is how you consciously know and understand your own character, feelings, motives, and desires.
What does self awareness mean?
In practical terms self awareness means:
What is the purpose of self awareness?
The purpose of self awareness is to realise personal benefits, such as:
What Is Self Awareness: [1] "Pay attention to what bothers you about other people!"
Sometimes
the things that irritate you in other people can be a reflection of
some aspect you dislike in yourself and thus an area for you to work on.
Also, it can be because they think and process things differently to the way you do, and this can be a prompt you to reevaluate and upgrade your understanding of their "type" [see 8. below]
I have found that when I reflect on certain behaviours that annoy me in certain people I know socially, it quite often touches on a part of my nature that I am uncomfortable acknowledging.
What Is Self Awareness: [2] "Pay attention to what bothers other people about you."
On occasions you meet and interact with people who for reasons not apparent to you will take an instant and strong dislike to you.
I recall some years ago being very disturbed to discover that there was some man in my social circle called Mike who had an intense dislike of me. I was totally unaware of this at the time and was only made aware of this when another mutual contact happened to mention that he was anxious about an upcoming social gathering because this man and I were both attending the same event.
When I asked him as to why he was concerned he said: " ...but Stephen, don't you know that Mike has real issues with you...?"
I had know idea what he was talking about, but later discovered that Mike found me over-bearing and arrogant and couldn't stand me. I was shocked, because I had no idea about this and couldn't recall any incident or situation that I was aware of, where I may have behaved in this way towards him.
What I eventually discovered was that the issues were on Mike's side and he was reacting to my positive and confident nature, and because I was an articulate confident sales man at the time he felt threatened by just being around me...
The immediate take away from that incident was to make me more self aware of how others may perceive me and to try and be more sensitive.
Now, years later, I have become acutely aware that sometimes I can cause a reaction in people just by being in a room. I don't say this in any arrogant or self-conscious way, rather I have learned a level of self awareness that in certain social situations I need to refrain from saying too much or in come cases just "bless them with my absence"!
What Is Self Awareness: [3] "Practice mindfulness and observe the repetitive patterns of our thoughts and emotions."
Thich Nhat Hanh teaches us how to develop awareness by recognising that our true home is not in the past and it is not in the future. Our true home is in the here and the now.
With mindfulness practise you will understand that what matters is not the content of your thoughts but your relationship with your thoughts.
This then leads to the realisation that you are not your thoughts. Please read this article as I have covered this point in some depth here - all based on direct personal experiences: You Are Not Your Thoughts
What Is Self Awareness: [4] "Know your emotional triggers"
One of the benefits of mindfulness is that you learn to catch yourself reacting when your emotions are triggered.
Having practised mindfulness for about 15 years now I can certainly vouch for the way in which this practice helps me to become painfully and regularly aware of my emotional trigger points.
For example, I am incredibly impatient with other drivers on the road who are (in my view) dithering and driving way too slowly. My reactions are so predictable yet that is one area that I have not yet managed to control!
On bigger issues to do with relationships and
things that occur in business I have learned to anticipate my reactions
and not engage with my feelings and let them pass.
What Is Self Awareness: [5] "Ask for feedback and listen"
Select someone whom you know well and trust and ask them for objective feedback about yourself in specific situations.
I have asked for feedback from my family and close work associates occasionally, and what I have noticed is the difference between how I think I am talking to people and how they are actually receiving it!
For example, I am told that I frequently adopt a rather curt and bossy style and say things in a way that comes across as though I am telling people what to do. Whereas inside my head, I always feel that I am being very reasonable and helpful!
I understand that this is about tone. Clearly this is a big disconnect between my internal perception of my communication style and the way it is received!
I can't say that I get it right all the time now, but at least I now have an awareness of the problem and can try to take conscious action to amend it.
What Is Self Awareness: [6] "Try different experiences - travel or learn a new skill"
Going to new and unknown places and stepping outside of your comfort zones will show you things about yourself. This may be something major like international travel or simply taking on a new interest interacting with a different set of people to your usual crowd.
I have found that working in Singapore and travelling extensively throughout South East Asia and meeting, working with and socialising with people from many different backgrounds has challenged me and helped me in many different ways, and has definitely increased my self awareness.
Contrary to what I expected when I first went to the region, I have learned that as human beings, despite our considerable ethnic and cultural differences, we all have far more in common than surface differences would suggest, and there is far more that unites us than divides us. We all share the same basic needs and have the same broad aspirations for ourselves and our loved ones.
Living, working and socialising under different political regimes is initially very challenging and I have found many of my previous "certainties" very challenged. One of the biggest things I have become aware of is how limited my original perspectives were. Seeing life through the lens of any one of a number of different regimes in S.E Asia causes me to reexamine and rethink some of previous certainties.
One quick example is Vietnam. Spending time there and immersing myself in the modern history and culture of Vietnam has considerably changed my view on communism.
In the past I have always seen communism as a negative influence on a country, and I am old enough to remember the days when Ho Chi Minh was regarded in the west as a rabble-rousing communist threat.
However, seeing first hand the impact of years of oppression initially under the French followed by the American War [as it is referred to in Vietnam], I can now understand that Ho Chi Minh and communism were the "only show in town" at that time.
That is not so say that I now approve of, or support, communism because I don't, but I can now see why at that time it probably was the necessary vehicle for galvanising resistance to western oppression.
As a footnote, to any US readers who may take offence at what I saying, I respectfully suggest you spend half a day in the War Remnants [aka the War Crimes] Museum in Ho Chi Minh and see firsthand the horrendous and lasting impact on the peoples of Vietnam from US use of Agent Orange, and the lasting ecological damage to the landmass of North Vietnam.
I say the "lasting impact" on the people because there are still children being born with horrendous deformities as a direct result of the genetic damage done to their parents through the indiscriminate use of extremely large quantities of Agent Orange.
It is estimated that c1-1.5mill Vietnamese people are still directly affected by it. There is not a family network in modern Vietnam who do not have at least one present generation family member disfigured or damaged by the use of this in the America/Vietnam war.
What Is Self Awareness: [7] "Identify cognitive distortions"
Cognitive distortions are inaccurate thoughts and beliefs that distort how we see things, including ourselves. Typically this can be situations where we blame other people or external events for things responses and reactions that are within us.
Fortunately I have no direct experience of this [as far as I am aware] so I do recommend that your read: Cognitive Restructuring: The Complete Guide to Changing Negative Thinking
What Is Self Awareness: [8] "Take psychometric tests"
Take one of the well known tests like Myers-Briggs or Enneagram to provide yourself with metrics and a framing for greater self understanding and deeper insight into individual differences particularly in relations to how others think, respond and process things.
This one was a real game changer for me! For many years of my adult life I just could not see how or why other people couldn't see what I could see, why they couldn't assess situations - especially in business- and see exactly what needed to be done [or least what I thought needed to be done]!
One day I discovered the Myers Briggs framework of personality types, and what a revelation! As I scrolled through the summary overview of the key characteristics of the 16 types I could see with painful clarity just how differently we do all think and process things. I also discovered that my dominant type was one which only typifies a small percentage of people. So no wonder I was usually so out of step with most other people around me when it came to thinking styles.
I appreciate the ridiculousness of what I am sharing here, a businessman in his mid forties finally figuring out why most people didn't think like him, but that was my reality.
Ever since then, I have tried to put considerable effort into trying to evaluate and take account of these individual differences.
What Is Self Awareness: [9] "Make time to clarify your values"
Set aside time for self reflection on the things that really matter to you.
Why are you here? What are you called to do? What makes for a fulfilling life that you can be truly proud of?
I was sitting in a bar in Singapore a while ago with a bunch of expat
friends enjoying some beers and a chat. The conversation took an
interesting turn when one of them suddenly asked the group:
"If
you knew you were going to die tonight and you were given a few minutes
to reflect before that happened, what would you say was the meaning of
your life?"
On hearing that question I suddenly had a moment of clarity and I realised that for me the answer was (and remains):
"What difference will you make?
What impact will you leave in the lives of others?"
Free Download: One Page Summary Sheet With Action Points & Resources
Next Article: Be The Light At The End Of Someone Else's Tunnel
Return:
Or to: Walking The Talk
Just Because You Have A Spectacular Failure Doesn’t Mean The Game Is Over. The thought that you could fail can really slow you down. But the problem is not the failure, the problem is your relationshi…
Are You Lost In Transition? To be in an alien North African city, late in the evening, in the dark, completely lost in transition from the main market square back to the obscure location of our Riad…
Do You Believe What You See Or Do You See What You Believe? Like the characters in "The Matrix" we are fooled by the illusion that what we see is how things really are. Why? Because this is the mind's…
What Impact Will You Leave In The Lives Of Others? If you knew you were going to die tonight and you were given a few minutes to reflect before that happened, what would you say was the meaning of yo…
If You Want Others To Be Happy, Practice Compassion. If You Want To Be Happy, Practice Compassion. Compassion is derived from the Latin words "com pati" meaning to suffer with. It has been defined as…
The Power Of Expectation Of An Outcome Regardless Of The Lack Of Any Substance To That Expectation. Traditionally, the placebo effect occurs when false, or dummy, treatments of inert substances [that…
This Is What Will Happen After You Take It.
"This is your last chance," rebel leader Morpheus tells Neo, holding a coloured pill in each hand. “You take the blue pill, the story ends, you wake up in y…
This Has To Be One Of The Best Ways For Living The Best Life You Can Possibly Live. An online search on life hacks will invariably provide you with multiple links to ways of increasing your productivi…
The Blessing And The Curse Of Impermanence. There is a story of a king who sought wisdom. Eventually he heard of a man living in a remote part of the kingdom who had a reputation for great wisdom. The…
The Stories That We Tell Ourselves Are A Matter Of Choice. The stories we tell ourselves form the backcloth and the tapestry of our lives. These narratives shape and define our sense of self and how a…
Trust Is A Choice And It Creates Your Reality. Nothing in life is permanent and nothing lasts forever. Every relationship ends in tears. Somebody leaves or somebody dies. This is how things are. This…
Finding This Hidden Value Is The Key To A Huge Upside. Most of us spend our lives working to linear rules where there is an equal relationship between effort and result. Work hard you get a result. Wo…
How To Be There When Preparation Meets Opportunity. The growth mindset holds the core belief that your intelligence and personality is something you can develop and that you can expand and grow. The p…
If you can't think of the right thing to say, say nothing.
The concepts we employ, the categorizations we apply and the words we choose and use to articulate a direct experience put us in a double bi…
To Believe Or Not To Believe - That Is The Question. Nothing has inflicted more suffering on humanity than its beliefs and dogmas. The religious and cultural beliefs that sanction and allow or impose…
How To Stay Far From The Madding Crowd. Herd mentality describes how we make decisions based on what everyone else is thinking and doing. It is also known as a mob or crowd mentality. We follow the he…
We Suffer Every Time We Believe A Thought That Argues With What Is. When your mind is perfectly clear, what is, is what you want. If you want reality to be different than it is, you might as well try…
Slack Is The Capacity To Effect Change And The Resource To Deal With The Unexpected. Many organizations are obsessed with efficiency and try to ensure that every resource is fully utilized to its full…
Less and less do you need to force things, until you arrive at non-action. We are brought up to believe that we get what we want in life as a result of what we do, by the actions that we take, that ha…
Is It Helping You Or Hindering You? Your point of focus is the central point of your attention. Your point of focus is a binary choice and the result of that choice is critical to your happiness, your…
To accomplish any success in life, you must identify accurately what it is that you hunger for, thirst for and long for. The purpose of this article is to look at the foundation of the secret for succ…
Discover The Joy Of A Quiet Mind Can you stop thinking? According to Zen Buddhist priest Shunmyo Masuno the art of not thinking about anything is not easy to achieve. Even practising monks find it dif…
What Is Holding You Back From Pursuing Your Dreams? Your self confidence is based on ability. Your self confidence is all about your level of trust, faith and belief in your abilities [your power] and…
Learning how to overcome fear and perform powerfully is a skill that we all need to acquire as fear of failure affects most of us at some point in our lives. Whilst it is natural to feel a level of fe…
You are creating hell on earth when you are too subsumed within your underlying and deeply embedded negative energetic states. To counter your dissatisfactions and misery you initially go unconscious…
How you mentally characterize a situation has a profound impact on how you respond to it emotionally. There is a direct causal link between how you think about a situation, the words you use to articu…
What good is a universe without somebody around to look at it? What Conclusions Can We Draw About Living In A Participatory Universe? The inescapable conclusion is that the world and the universe (wit…
The journey home to the energy of life does not consist in arriving at a new destination it is a coming home to one’s self. [1] How are you feeling, what is your dominant emotion right now? [2] Where…
You have to be willing to suffer today in order to reap enormous rewards tomorrow. The long game is so hard to play because it involves taking a series of very small steps, that people rarely see, per…
How To Build Self Esteem In my early life and until my early twenties I suffered from a deep inferiority complex and low self esteem. Forty years later and, said in sincerity and with humility, I have…