Walking The Talk
Don't explain your philosophy. Embody it!
The purpose of this article is to launch a new series of articles on the general subject of Walking The Talk.
I believe that those us who put ourselves out there with blogs and sites on various aspects of personal development have a duty of care to our readers to be open and to share our personal experiences of the topics covered.
The walking the talk articles that I am posting in this series are all based directly or indirectly on my personal experiences.
Life is short, time is precious, and I have reached an age and stage in life where I have little interest in shooting the breeze, sounding off, and offering opinion pieces for readers' entertainment.
My purpose with this website, and very specifically in this series of articles, is to attempt to offer insights, practical tips and resources that have benefited me and that readers may find helpful.
By way of introduction, I would like to share the following thoughts.
Walking The Talk Or Fleecing The Flock?
The world of self-improvement, self-help and personal development is full of people making money out of their websites and blogs, it is a multi-billion dollar business.
Whilst on the one hand I can understand why people will charge for training course and associated services and I support this - to a point. All too often this can become exploitative.
Why?
Because of 4 inter-connected reasons which are well known to, and skillfully exploited by, the purveyors of self-help material:
[1] The Sun Tan Effect
You spend your money and go on these courses, attend the events, and watch the videos and in the short-term it seems to make a difference and you feel energized and motivated to change.
But after 10-15 days it all starts to wear off and after a month or less you are back to where you started - with no lasting change.
In the self help industry this is known as the "The Sun Tan Effect". This suits the sellers of self-help material because they know that another factor will now kick in.
[2] If Only I Could Find The Missing Piece...?
The up-sell in so much of the self-help industry is deliberately designed to exploit this innate and increasingly desperate desire to find the missing piece, and of course this involves spending more money so like the lady in the song you're buying your stairway to heaven...
Except there's one unstated and under-recognised factor at play which is that you can't change because at a very fundamental and unconscious level you don't really want to change.
[3] Immunity To Change
Your immunity to change is an unconscious resistance that can be defined as a "hidden commitment" with an underlying root cause, that competes and conflicts with a stated commitment to change.
So, your failure to achieve a personal change goal isn’t the result of a lack of will-power, it’s your "emotional immune system" trying to protect you.
This is why you find it hard to impossible to stick to New Year resolutions, why you don't do those things you know you should do, and why you will likely stay stuck and trapped in the thought processes and behaviours that you are trying to change - because despite your best intentions you fundamentally don't want to change.
[4] Instant Success
You can achieve a very quick relief to stress symptoms and you can make powerful changes to how you think and behave but lasting change take time, hard work and the formation and application of the right habits.
Contrary to what so many of the self-help gurus tell you there is no instant success.
They tell you what you want to hear and they over-promise what they can not deliver, and they stop walking the talk.
Success in most areas of life is the result of persistence and consistence in taking the series of small daily steps that will deliver your goals.
This is known as the long game.
Shout Out!
Big respect to popular blogger Mark Manson who has just announced that after 13 years he is stopping writing about personal development:
"...it's time for me to move on from the self-help world... the point is to stop."
In the competitive world of self-help "smoke and mirrors" always watch the other guy's feet to see his true intentions. When there is a disconnect between someone's words and actions, always pay close attention to their actions.
Walking The Talk And Shepherding The Flock
The Good Shepherds Take Care Of Their Flock
In
my view, if you have something to offer people who are having a hard
time the very least you can do is to provide a level of free, quality
teaching, advice and support - sufficient to help them on their way.
The reference point on all this is the Buddha, Jesus Christ and Mahatma Ghandi and not Esther Hicks, Rhonda Byrne and Tony Robbins.
Good shepherds are walking the talk, and they lead their flock in the right direction, and do their best to take care of them. Good shepherds don't charge for the privilege of providing basic care.
Just because someone looks the part doesn't mean they are...
This is a website and not a blog. As you know, a blog presents pages in reverse
chronological order, so newest content appears first whereas a website
is static in nature and pages are indexed in a hierarchical structure. The
easiest way of thinking about this is to view a blog as a published
journal and a website as a book with an index and chapters. Another key feature of a website is SEO. 95%
of the articles on this site are search engine optimized [SEO]. This
means that these articles are written in a style and format that will be
attractive to search engines, who will in turn present this site's
content to their users as the best solution to their search enquiry. A core component of SEO is the use of carefully selected in-demand keywords and optimising them on the posted pages. Whilst
there is a strong discipline in this approach in that it leads to very
focused and "on subject" material, it is also constraining. For
example, if I choose to write about a subject, then to meet SEO criteria
I have to find the exact in-demand keywords and use them in a carefully
prescribed content-format and page-structure. Whereas a blog style of writing offers a much more
freestyle approach, and I would not give any thought or consideration to keywords
and SEO. Freestyle All
of the upcoming articles I am going to write and link to this page are
going to be freestyle articles, that is to say, blog style articles presented in a website structure. All walking the talk articles will be fully indexed to this page and cross referenced to relevant material on this site or third party resources. The focus of these articles is about living with, and applying, the extensive materials and
resources that are already on this site. Most of the pages on this site are very content rich, and this is deliberate. I try to cover as much ground as possible in each article paying attention to the complexities of the subject matter whilst attempting to present the material in an easy to read format. In these walking the talk articles I am attempting to adopt a more informal, relaxed and conversational tone with a narrower focus to each article and with a key point takeaway at the end of each piece. Comments and feedback are always welcome
June 25 Trust The Process - Beyond The Cliche The Dopamine Delusion - Why Anticipation Beats Achievement May 25 The Power Of Silence Is Experienced In Your Use Of Language Dealing With Setbacks - 5 Questions To Help You Face Discomfort Apr 25 Why Praxis Is The Key To Living A Successful And Stress Free Life Dealing With Distraction - How To Live With Your "Attention Autopilot" Mar 25 The Time Of Your Life - Recognising Moments Of Alignment For Action The Power Of Working With The Front Line - Influence Without Authority Feb 25 The Metagame Approach to Second-Order Thinking - 5 Guiding Principles Jan 25 Outcome Over Optics - Long Game Outcomes Over Short-Term Ego Gains The ETTO Principle - Why Near Enough Can Be Good Enough Dec 24 Master The Art Of Drawing The Bow - Focus On Process Not Outcome Nov 24 Curiosity Skilled The Cat - Optimize For Interesting Let Stillness Speak - Living Within A Complex System Sept 24 Understanding Complex Systems Thinking - It's Not Complicated Stay On The Bus - When To Keep On Going Zen Thoughts Email Series - Conversations With A Friend Aug 24 How to Get What You Value by Changing What You Measure July 24 How to Become A Master At Overcoming Hard Moments Drop The Story - Deal With Your Demons and Transform Your Experience June 24 Standing In The Gap Between No Longer And Not Yet Preparing The Ground - For Things You Can Not See May 24 Easing The Weight Of Expectation April 24 Coram Deo - Living In Consciousness The Power Of Patience - Why You Need The World's Toughest Quality Mar 24 Demonizing The Other and Personal Acts Of Compassion Feb 24 Amazing Grace - The Majesty And The Mercy of Freedom From Your Pain Jan 24 Are You Aligned With Reality? Or Do You See What You Believe? The Law Of Response And Outcome - A New Approach To A New Life Dec 23 One Love - The Universal Language of Unity and Compassion Clear Thinking- Turning Ordinary Moments Into Extraordinary Results Oct 23 The Greatest Love - The Most Important Relationship You Will Ever Have Sept 23 Everything Is Connected And Why You Don't Feel It Aug 23 Who Is In Charge Of Your Brain - How Not To Be Stupid July 23 How To Be A Winner - The Incredible Benefits Of Selective Attention The Metagame Approach To Life - How To Achieve Your Biggest Objectives Shantideva - The Way Of The Bodhisattva June 23 Reframing History - Deconstruction And Discussion Not Destruction April 23 What Is Truth - How To Tell A Partial Truth From The Whole Truth? Mar 23 The Failure Of Cancel Culture - It's Suppression Not Engagement Feb 23 Finite And Infinite Games - Dazed, Confused & Ultimately Transcendent Situational Communication - Different Strokes For Different Folks Jan 23 How To Influence without Authority - 6 Key Tips Change Questions To Change Your Outcomes Group Culture - The Invisible Software That Rules Your Life Dec 22 Getting From A to B Is Not Aways A Straight Line The Art Of Persuasion Planning For Success - Here's How To Do It! Nov 22 The Art Of Persuasion Advanced Communication Skills - Gaining BuyIn The Art Of Persuasion The One Fundamental Principle - Create A Win-Win Communication Persuasion And Change - Key Skills To Survive & Succeed Oct 22 The Eisenhower Box - What Is Important Is Seldom Urgent And Vice Versa 5 Zen Mindsets For Mastery - In Any Area Of Your Life Dealing With The Toxicity Of Online Dating Why Understanding Ergodicity Is Critical To Your Long Term Survival Dealing With Imposter Syndrome How To Benefit From The Unseen Margins - 5 Key Tips For Success Sept 22 The Art Of Thinking Clearly - How To Do More Than Just Survive And Reproduce Algorithms to Live By - 5 Useful Rules Of Thumb Finding Signal In The Noise - How To Avoid The Noise Bottleneck Aug 22 The Checklist Manifesto - Your Personal Safety Net How Not To Be Stupid - 3 Key Tips Beginners Mind And The Voice Of Experience The Art Of Being Alone Is A Skill - Let's Make Today A Good Day Intuition & Anxiety - Are There Angels Or Devils Calling Here? Like A Prayer - Life Is A Mystery Fear Of Missing Out - "I'll Have What She's Having!" Finish What You Start - Action Will Destroy Your Procrastination July 22 Going The Extra Mile - The Power Of One More Tao Te Ching - How To Be Lived By The Tao Dying To Self - Everything Does Not Revolve Around Me The Confident Mind - 4 Keys To Peak Performance The Loving Father
- A Love That Will Not Let You Go
June 22 Going With The Flow
- The Balance Of Being And Doing The Stockdale Paradox - How To Deal With The Attrition Factor Embrace Your Fear Of Failure And Uncertainty Your Relationship With Failure Is Critical To Your Success Boredom - Your Greatest Threat to Results May 22 The Luck Factor - 4 Principles The Wilderness Years - 3 Keys To An ExitWalking The Talk Freestyle
Walking The Talk Articles
This Is What Will Happen After You Take The Red Pill
April 22
Mar 22
How Positive Asymmetry Can Transform Your Life
Growth Mindset - How To Be There When Preparation Meets Opportunity
Lost For Words? Experience Truth
Belief - A Terrible Tyrant Or An Empowering Servant
Feb 22
Herd Mentality And How To Avoid It
Are You Trying To Teach A Cat To Bark?
6 Tips To Help You Stop Trying Too Hard
How To Build Your Self Confidence
How To Overcome Fear And Perform Powerfully
Jan 22
Dance Into The Light And Stop Chasing Your TailChange Your Language To Change How You Feel
How To Live In A Participatory Universe
4 Keys To Working With The Energy Of Life
How To Deal With The Challenges Of Playing The Long Game
Dec 21
If You Don't Take Care Of You, Who Will?
Pay Attention To What Bothers Other People About You
Be The Light At The End Of Someone Else's Tunnel
Learn How To Benefit From The Fat Tail Fractal Factor
Dunbar's Number, More In Common And The Narcissism of Minor Differences
Nov 21
Recognising Limbo As A Stage Of Transition
Mind Games & How To Free Yourself From Them
Just Do It - A Call To Action And Getting Started
Self Dialogue - Dealing With Your Many Selves
The Transformative Power of Acceptance
Can You Stop Thinking? Discover The Joy Of A Quiet Mind
4th November 2021
Walking The Talk - Resources
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LATEST ARTICLES
The Dopamine Delusion - Why Anticipation Beats Achievement
The thrill we feel is not in the having, but in the wanting. The more we have, the more we want. The more things we acquire and the easier things get for us, the more discontent we feel. The more spo…The Power Of Silence Is Experienced In Your Use Of Language
Practise the "Beneficial Neurological Delay" for optimal comprehension. The power of silence is experienced in your use of language, specifically: - How you formulate the words you use to think and in…Dealing With Setbacks - 5 Questions To Help You Face Discomfort
How To Counter The Cognitive Shock Of A Setback. Setbacks challenge your instinctual desire for control and comfort, making it unnatural to respond with calm or acceptance. The reason for these instin…Why Praxis Is The Key To Living A Successful And Stress Free Life
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How will you recognise your moment of alignment for action? In this article I want to look at our relationship with time and in the context of the two main themes of this site, firstly as a thinking s…The Metagame Approach to Second Order Thinking - 5 Guiding Principles
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Focus On Process Not Outcome In so many areas of our lives, we focus on the outcome, not the process that we follow to achieve it. In the western world, we are conditioned to pay less attention to how…And So This Is Christmas
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To let stlllness speak is to learn it's first major lesson: you are not your thoughts. To let stillness speak is about stepping back from the constant chatter of your mind and allowing a deeper, quiet…Understanding Complex Systems Thinking - It's Not Complicated
Understanding, and being able to work with, complexity is an important thinking skill.
We are all working with complex systems, and we do so every day. The biggest one is life itself. We automaticall…Stay On The Bus - When To Keep On Going
The Helsinki Bus Station Theory
Have you ever started a new project, initiative or role with a big vision and a determination to make a difference? Initially you were full of enthusiasm and highly mo…Zen Thoughts Email Series
Conversations With A Friend Zen Thoughts is an email series of 50 short messages spread over 3 months. The messages are written in the style of a conversation with a friend who is going through a toug…How to Get What You Value by Changing What You Measure
Give Up Control & Gain Influence To Get What You Want
The metrics we choose to focus on can significantly shape our outcomes, sometimes in ways we don't intend. The challenge is to make sure that you…How to Become A Master At Overcoming Hard Moments
"The best in the world are not the best because they win every point. It's because they lose again and again and have learned how to deal with it." This quote from Roger Federer has got a lot of cover…Drop The Story - Deal With Your Demons and Transform Your Experience
Are you living your life from the stories you tell yourself? Learning how to drop the story and deal with that voice in your head can be a game changer. When you can do this you will have a powerful t…